Friday, February 13, 2009

10 preparations to JB nursing homes

From: chickenwingx Feb-13 6:19 am
To: ALL (1 of 2)


Khaw Boon Wan's proposal to build nursing homes in Malaysia made him the hottest minister in town, many Singaporeans are repulsive by the idea judging by the vigorous posting and commenting in various blogs. bbqchickenwings also feels it hard to accept staying in a foreign land after spending a lifetime in the little red dot. bbqchickenwings thinks Minister Khaw can get more Singaporeans to accept this eventuality by doing the following. Minister Khaw, please consider the following suggestions.

1. Replace the Jobs Credit Scheme with a Sell Ship-your-parents Scheme (SYPS). Children who volunteer to ship their parents away gets a one time fee of $3000, this only applies to the lower income households with monthly income below $1500. This RRS is a win-win situation for both the government and the people. We can save on the subsidy for healthcare costs to low-income households, and at the same time give lower-income groups some financial help.
2. Introduce another Relocation Assistance Plan(RAP). Elderly folks, above 55 or certified unfit to work, can volunteer to move out of the country into JB and get a one-time payment of $500 and a subsequent $250 per month. This is another win-win since it is a cheaper scheme than the $330 Public Assistance, and yet the elderly feels richer with more spending power.
3. Allow withdrawal of CPF for nursing home residents. For those elderly who like to spend more money, they can withdraw their CPF which is otherwise untouchable for them. They can remain as Singaporeans and yet withdraw their CPF. But of course we cannot let the elderly anyhow use the money, its their hard-earned savings. bbqchickenwings havent thought of a way to transfer the money from the left to the right pocket, so that Mr Khaw don't feel the pinch. Readers, please contribute.
4. Kopi-Money Rebate Scheme. (KPRS) Hi Mr Khaw, sorry that the measures up till now all talk about money. It is a trickle-down effect from the government's obsession with making money. In KPRS, Singaporeans can apply for a full rebate of Kopi-Money given when dealing with corrupted immigration officials and policeman from the other side of the Causeway. Of couse, issues such as how to prove the amount of kopi-money given has to be ironed out.
5. Speaking of the causeway, it is too congested for people to want to go visit their parents frequently. We need a new bridge to ease congestion. This bridge will only be for people who intend to go to the nursing homes. Drivers will have to provide evidence they did reach the nursing homes by signing in and out the homes. They can go wherever they want but must return on the same day. To provide further incentive, the 3/4 tank rule for cars can be abolished for this bridge.
6. Launch a huge PR offensive. Get international superstars like Jackie Chan to visit the nursing homes and talk about all the great things to do inside. Better still, ask him to commit to stay in the home when he retires. People may jump at the chance to stay with stars like Jackie, boasting: I am staying under the same roof with Jackie Chan and practising kung fu with him everyday.
7. Request Mediacorp to produce a serial drama on life in JB from the early 1900s to the 2000s. It must include the big casts like Qi Yuwu, Fann Wong and the 7 princesses to ensure high viewer ratings. The drama can be modeled after the Little Nyonya. People may feel less repulsive if the nursing home is in Malacca since they can enjoy the Peranakan culture and all the goody food like Rembah Udang. This is all due to the good effort of Little Nyonya. But the problem is that children will have to travel too far to visit the parents. Commision Mediacorp to produce another drama on JB with the focus on delightful JB food. The most important reason why Singaporeans can accept a nursing home in JB will be because of better food there.
8. Launch a 'Speak Bahasa Melayu' Campaign. Singaporeans are worried of moving to the nursing home since we don't know the national language in Malaysia. Have a 5 minute segment after the daily news broadcast where a pretty lady will teach everyone a little Malay everyday. The peasants will feel calmer when they know they can understand their landlords.
9. Control the news we are getting on mainstream media about Johor, actually maybe even Malaysia as a whole. It is not pleasant hearing for Singaporeans to know that they have to stay in Malaysia when they are old when we get news on the same day such as SBS bus driver getting slashed in JB. Even though security is not very safe there, people can be made to feel safer by not hearing and seeing anything at all.
10. How about the entertainment? We need a mini integrated-resort. The old folks need a way to spend their time and what better than gambling? Its' in the genes (refer to my previous posting). Oh, don't forget building the Singapore Pools outlet.

There you have it Mr Khaw. It hurts to know that Singaporeans have to move to nursing homes away from our beloved island but you can make it much less painful. You don't have to thank me, just make sure I have my chicken wings every other meal during my stay there.

another "fantasick" scheme the paps gabramen has missed out?

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