Friday, December 18, 2009

the great flood and NOAH's ARK

this clip is very funny. it's satirical and really makes one think.

more zany satires.

God meet modern Singaporean


Gabra Heng was hiking with his son, Aye Sack in Bukit Timah on a Sunday when he heard God calls out to him:

God : "Gabra Heng, I am God, listen up"
G.H : "Yes, God, morning, what do you want?"

God : "See the stone in front of you, put your son on the stone and stab him in the heart with the knife I have provided on the ground."

G.H : "Hello, You got something wrong or not, stabbing my son in the heart in Singapore constitutes murder and can get death penalty and get hang you know, especially Singaporean, if i am a foreigner maybe 16 years only."

God : "Alamak, I am your God, listen to me, bring you son there and stab him, why you question so much?"

G.H : "you says in your commandments, you shall not kill, somemore kill my own son, you are really a joker"

God : "Me joker or not, no worries, I make the commandments for the general public, so for you special case, this command is not applicable to you now, you can kill your son"

G.H : "so you can happy happy change your commandments to your wishes, how i know you are not here to sabo or test or tempt me, let me kill him finish, you call the police"

God : "I am your God, here to take care and to love you, not to cause problem for you, just listen and do say I say"

G:H : "you really funny, kept wanting me to kill my kid, and what is it to you? Maybe you are TeeKee in disguise, let me get caught, lost faith in God and end up in hell"

God : "You know my voice, I speak to you in the bible and in your conscious, can't you recognise my voice and do as I tell you? My sheep hears my voice"

G:H : "This is irritating, ok, show me your credentials"

God : "If I show you my credentials, then where is your faith, come on have a little faith"

G:H : "Ok, even if I do it, what is it for me"

God : "What if I make you the founding father of APEC? The biggest and most expensive land in Sentosa Cove will be yours?"

G:H "Listen to yourself, will you do it for such terms?"

God : "I'm almost up here with you, no more negotiations, do it or not? if you don't, you will be strike dead by a durian on your way down the hill"

G:H : "Terms not attractive and now what, you using threats now? Why must I stab my son and listen to you"

God : "My ways are not your ways, and my ways are ALWAYS higher than yours. You need not understand and must have faith when I may sound unreasonable. Just kill your son because I say so"

G:H : "well, looks like you have to drop the durian somewhere somehow, you have not given me enough reasons and confidence to listen to what you say. Have a good day."

Alfrescian (S) Join Date: Jan 2009
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Re: God meet modern Singaporean


After meeting Gabra Heng, God went to Geylang and spoke to NoR

God : "Oi, Nor, you free for a chat with God?

Nor : "anytime God"

God : "I have great plans for you, I am giving you a blue plan to build an ark"

Nor : "Ark? Oh, you mean a boat.... ok.... so much wood, you gonna pay for it? Very epensive hor"

God : "You go cut trees from Bukit Timah Hill, ok?"

Nor : "You sure got something wrong. yesterday you want Gabra to kill his son, today you want me to cut trees and commit crimes against singapore? Siao"

God : "Ok, ok,,, no need to cut trees, you just go and take over Star Cruise because I spoke to Genting already."

Nor : "Thats easy, then what I do?"

God : "Then go the zoo, and bring a pair of every animals you see and bring to the cruise"

Nor : "I assume you talk to Singapore Zoo liao, and food for the animals? You talk to NTUC to provide? Good work God. Then what we do"

God : "Stay on the boat, until I let you off"

Nor : "what for? What are you going to do?"

God : "I am going to destroy the whole Singapore except you and your family, including the demi-God LKY and his family"

Nor : "and including TeeKee your "supposedly" servant and admirer?"

God : "Of course, he too, why? He thinks he knows me by writing against the buddhist, communist and what he presumes ungodly. If he just knows what is ungodly, you will be off the boat and he and his family will be save"

Nor : "So what will you do?"

God : "I intended tol rain Singapore for 40 days and 40 nights, and other country media will report that this will happen in every 6,000 years. I will make sure that whole Singapore including all PRs will be dead, and I will bring about a new Singapore starting with your family again"

Nor : "You mean you will destroy the whole Singapore? Why?"

God : "Why must you ask why? Why can't you accept in faith? OK, the whole Singapore in wicked with pros in Geylang, Gay in Chinatown, Casinos and cheats in Sim Lim Squaare and Lucky Plaza, and I cannot find 1 decent guy besides your family, so I will destroy Singapore

Nor : "YOu are a damn joker, cannot find any decent guy in Singapore? Have you visited KK Hospital? Those pregnant women you going to kill? You going to kill the unborn? Thought you are against abortion? they are also many good people, although they do not know you, been doing charity, helping the poor, working their lives for their off-springs and my friends and neighbors"

God : "I don't care. Why you care? The unborn will be just as evil should they grow up you know. Anyway, just do what I say, you are the only family I trust now. The rest of Singapore, they deserve to die because I say so and I cannot find any other decent people"

Nor : "And how am I supposed to rebuild Singapore with my sons and daughters-in-law?"

God : "Well, you be creative, just mate among yourselves and build a nation out of it ok? TeeKee thinks your genes are pure enough to inter-breed and having sex with your daughters, for your case, well for the moment will be acceptable"

Nor : "You are 1 sick dude, God. Please go and do whatever you want and leave me alone."