better dead than alive :(

my poor auntie was directly forced to death by NTUC which robbed her of her meagre living of selling provisions in the market.

before the appearance of NTUC supermart just next to the market, she was doing pretty well. later NTUC came in and her biz was all downhill.

poor auntie was ever so worry for her livelihood. she had to support two sub-normal middle-aged boys who helped out in her market stall. things just went from bad to worst. her goods could't compete with those fr the nearby NTUC supermart.

every month, she would incur a small loss. in the end, hdb advised her to give up her stall and compensated her some money. without her stall which was part of her life, she was saddened disillusioned and erratic thoughts began to run wild.

one day, she just fainted. the neighbours called for an ambulance and sent her to the hospital emergency. she was put in intensive care. when she awoke. she had became a "zombie". her expression was totally blank. she would just stare and quietly lied on the bed with feeding and breathing tubes connected into her nostrils.

how could such a sad tragic state be happening to my poor, kind and once cheerful widowed auntie who was once full of life and a jovious person??

when mum and some of the lady cousins visited auntie in the ward, they couldn't help it. they wept profusely and kept calling her name but to no avail. she just stared blankly......

i was there too and almost close to tears. i held her hands and stroke her forehead hoping she could respond. yes, she responded!! she gripped my hand tightly and tears was flowing down her eyes.

it was a torturous and heart-wrenching moment for me and all those who were present. my poor auntie was now just a empty human shell. her once cheerful and chatty spirit had left her. she just stared.....staring blankly...

last week she passed away in her sleep. it could be a blessing for her that she was now in eternal peace.

the relatives now doing her funeral rites. they ordered big paper houses incorporated with paper maids and even security guards which were to be burned as offering to my demised auntie. along with it, they burned paper casket of "gold and silver", paper mercz and all the peper luxuries that she never get to enjoy when she was alive. all she did when she was living was to work very hard and long hours to get enough money to support her 2 retarded sons.

poor auntie!! how could life be so harsh and merciless to you? i asked myself. i asked heaven.....the only thing i could do for her now was to chant some sutras hoping that if ever she would be reincarnated as human, may she lead a better and happier well-deserved life.

for now, it appears that she is better dead than alive - she is living in big paper houses and all the paper luxuries the relatives had bought and burnt to her.

emptiness is form....form is emptiness.

my aunt was a very decent and hardworking selfless lady. once her provision business was thriving and she would work through every chinese new year eve. i remember during chinese new year, she would visit grandma and my mum who was her sister and gave tins of abalones. her ang pows used to be the biggest. and now she died as a desolated woman at the age of 81.

and hallelujah!! 8118 just came out lst prize. auntie sure blessed my mum and the rest of the relatives who striked lst prize!! guess there would be another burning offering soon.

it seem that in sgp it would be better off dead than alive. at least when dead, paper bungalow and all the paper luxuries would be offered and burnt. whether there is an afterlife and the dead receives all those offerings is another matter. it's all the forms that are created to pacify the sentiments of the living.

and yes auntie, i strike too