Some are smarter than others...
General Musharraf, Dr Mahathir, Gloria Arroyo & Lee Kuan Yew were sitting in a train.
The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark for the next 8 seconds.
Suddenly there is a loud kissing sound and then a slap!
The train comes out of the tunnel.
Arroyo and Musharraf are seated across each other, both looking perplexed.
Mahathir, seated across LKY, is bent over holding his face, which is very red from an apparent big slap.
All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.
Musharraf is thinking : ' These Malaysians are all crazy after Arroyo. Mahathir must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel.
Very proper that she slapped him ! '
Arroyo is thinking : ' Mahathir must have moved to kiss me, but kissed Musharraf instead and got slapped. '
Mahathir is thinking : ' Damn it, Musharraf must have tried to kiss Arroyo ; she thought it was me and slapped me instead. Shit !! '
Lee Kuan Yew is thinking : ' If this train goes through
One more tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Mahathir again !! '
Monday, February 15, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Pastor called up by ISD
Pastor called up by ISD
Feb 9, 2010
Insensitive comments made
Pastor called up by ISD
Leader of independent church apologises to Buddhists and Taoists
By Yen Feng
What ISD said
'Pastor Tan's comments were highly inappropriate and unacceptable as they trivialised and insulted the beliefs of Buddhists and Taoists. They can also give rise to tension and conflict between the Buddhist/Taoist and Christian communities. ISD told Pastor Tan that in preaching or proselytising his faith, he must not run down other religions, and must be mindful of the sensitivities of other religions.'
The Home Affairs Ministry, on what the Internal Security Department told Senior Pastor Rony Tan
What pastor said
'I sincerely apologise for my insensitivity towards the Buddhists and Taoists, and solemnly promise that it will never happen again.'
Senior Pastor Rony Tan, in his statement posted on his church's website last night
The video clips, which first appeared on the church's website two weeks ago, showed Pastor Tan questioning two church members as they recounted their past experiences as Buddhists. -- PHOTO: YOUTUBE
THE Government called up a Christian church leader yesterday after receiving complaints about online video clips that show him making insensitive comments about Buddhism.
The Internal Security Department yesterday met Senior Pastor Rony Tan, founder of the Lighthouse Evangelism independent church, and told him that what he did was wrong.
Last night, he posted an apology on the church's website, promising to respect other faiths and 'not ridicule them in any way, shape or fashion'.
The video clips, which first appeared on the church's website two weeks ago, showed Pastor Tan questioning two church members as they recounted their past experiences as Buddhists.
In the exchanges, some of Pastor Tan's comments - on Buddhist precepts of rebirth, karma and nirvana - drew laughter from his audience.
The Ministry of Home Affairs said last night that his comments were 'highly inappropriate and unacceptable as they trivialised and insulted the beliefs of Buddhists and Taoists'.
Read the full story in Tuesday's edition of The Straits Times.
zengyan@sph.com.sg
Feb 9, 2010
Insensitive comments made
Pastor called up by ISD
Leader of independent church apologises to Buddhists and Taoists
By Yen Feng
What ISD said
'Pastor Tan's comments were highly inappropriate and unacceptable as they trivialised and insulted the beliefs of Buddhists and Taoists. They can also give rise to tension and conflict between the Buddhist/Taoist and Christian communities. ISD told Pastor Tan that in preaching or proselytising his faith, he must not run down other religions, and must be mindful of the sensitivities of other religions.'
The Home Affairs Ministry, on what the Internal Security Department told Senior Pastor Rony Tan
What pastor said
'I sincerely apologise for my insensitivity towards the Buddhists and Taoists, and solemnly promise that it will never happen again.'
Senior Pastor Rony Tan, in his statement posted on his church's website last night
The video clips, which first appeared on the church's website two weeks ago, showed Pastor Tan questioning two church members as they recounted their past experiences as Buddhists. -- PHOTO: YOUTUBE
THE Government called up a Christian church leader yesterday after receiving complaints about online video clips that show him making insensitive comments about Buddhism.
The Internal Security Department yesterday met Senior Pastor Rony Tan, founder of the Lighthouse Evangelism independent church, and told him that what he did was wrong.
Last night, he posted an apology on the church's website, promising to respect other faiths and 'not ridicule them in any way, shape or fashion'.
The video clips, which first appeared on the church's website two weeks ago, showed Pastor Tan questioning two church members as they recounted their past experiences as Buddhists.
In the exchanges, some of Pastor Tan's comments - on Buddhist precepts of rebirth, karma and nirvana - drew laughter from his audience.
The Ministry of Home Affairs said last night that his comments were 'highly inappropriate and unacceptable as they trivialised and insulted the beliefs of Buddhists and Taoists'.
Read the full story in Tuesday's edition of The Straits Times.
zengyan@sph.com.sg
Sunday, February 7, 2010
if singapura were once called BABIPURA......
THE MERLION - a cross between a mythical mermaid and a horny lion? u must be joking! this is so embarrassing!!
sang nila utama couldn't ve seen a lion or in malay a "singa". it was his aide who told him that that was a singa he saw during his hunting trip.
lions as we know only live in AFRICA's savannah plain. they do not inhabit any SE Asia countries.
this brings us to this point:
IF SANG NILA had named singapura as BABIPURA cos what he saw could be a wild boar (hutan babi), would muslims (with apology) still wanna live in this place?
history has to be exact and accurate. singapura is not really true to what it was name.
THERE IS NO LION IN THIS PART OF THE REGION.
to enhance this flawed myth, singapore now even creates a MERLION.
question: how could a mermaid make love to a lion and produce a "merlion"?
before mermaid could copulate with the lion, it would be cat's food!!
there were many stray cats and pussies. perhaps it could ve been named kuchingpura.
pussipura would be quite X-RATED!
the trouble with the name kuchingpura sounded like "kuchingkurap" or peanuts.
maybe it should be called KACHANGPURA. then again, this name sounds like kachang puteh!
gosh!! every singaporeans should honor NOT sang nila utama but his nondescript aide who wittingly (or unwittingly) told sanny that what he saw was a SINGA and hence SINGAPURA was named.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
the stripping of stuntpunkmonk
en though goh kah heng has been convicted which means all allegations against him were found GUILTY, his many "supporters" are still backing him.
why is that so? they even posted an increased bail of 450K for him to get out of sgp. would the rogue monk abscond and poof! there goes all the bailor's money?
Jan 27, 2010
Ming Yi allowed to leave
By Elena Chong
CONVICTED Buddhist monk Ming Yi was on Wednesday granted permission to leave Singapore - the second time he has been allowed to do so since his sentencing in November last year.
The monk, who turns 48 on Thursday, is to travel to several countries for a month to deal with temple matters.
His bail of $450,000 was extended by District Judge Toh Yung Cheong, who gave him leave of a month from Thursday.
Ming Yi, who is appealing against his conviction on several charges including fraud, and a 10-month jail term, will head for Malaysia, Thailand, Hong Kong and China, said his lawyer Hamidul Haq.
Neither his bailor Sim Beng Chye nor the prosecution objected to his applying for leave.
Ming Yi, the former chairman and chief executive of Ren Ci Hospital and Medicare Centre, was convicted last October of four charges of fraud, falsifying documents, misappropriating funds and giving false information to the Commissioner of Charities. The trial lasted more than 20 days.
Read the full report in Thursday's edition of The Straits Times.
it is quite humbling to the extent fo humiliating that RENCI CHARITY SHOW without his daredevil stunts showoff could garner a total donation of more than $7M. the figure is now the record breaker for all charity show held b4.
it has proven that compassion is still alive and not really dependent on this monk's gimmicky. conversely, could it be this monk who had in the past exploited sgporeans' compassion and generosity and stole the credit for himself?
he is a monk, an abbot but much of his mannerism is not much different from an average person. the only difference is he dons on a yellow saffron and bald. other than that, he's as as fallible n vulnerable by temptation as anyone else.
then why a monk in the first place?
why is that so? they even posted an increased bail of 450K for him to get out of sgp. would the rogue monk abscond and poof! there goes all the bailor's money?
Jan 27, 2010
Ming Yi allowed to leave
By Elena Chong
CONVICTED Buddhist monk Ming Yi was on Wednesday granted permission to leave Singapore - the second time he has been allowed to do so since his sentencing in November last year.
The monk, who turns 48 on Thursday, is to travel to several countries for a month to deal with temple matters.
His bail of $450,000 was extended by District Judge Toh Yung Cheong, who gave him leave of a month from Thursday.
Ming Yi, who is appealing against his conviction on several charges including fraud, and a 10-month jail term, will head for Malaysia, Thailand, Hong Kong and China, said his lawyer Hamidul Haq.
Neither his bailor Sim Beng Chye nor the prosecution objected to his applying for leave.
Ming Yi, the former chairman and chief executive of Ren Ci Hospital and Medicare Centre, was convicted last October of four charges of fraud, falsifying documents, misappropriating funds and giving false information to the Commissioner of Charities. The trial lasted more than 20 days.
Read the full report in Thursday's edition of The Straits Times.
it is quite humbling to the extent fo humiliating that RENCI CHARITY SHOW without his daredevil stunts showoff could garner a total donation of more than $7M. the figure is now the record breaker for all charity show held b4.
it has proven that compassion is still alive and not really dependent on this monk's gimmicky. conversely, could it be this monk who had in the past exploited sgporeans' compassion and generosity and stole the credit for himself?
he is a monk, an abbot but much of his mannerism is not much different from an average person. the only difference is he dons on a yellow saffron and bald. other than that, he's as as fallible n vulnerable by temptation as anyone else.
then why a monk in the first place?
Saturday, January 2, 2010
the real fears of the land
it's definitely not the paps. in fact, the extremist troublemakers are more fearsome and u cannot anticipate what their antics might orchestrate to.
the real fears are neither about actually paps or the troublemakers. it's more of practical daily living matters. things like getting sick and not having enough money to seek treatment. having children and worry they might not make it through the stressful education system. when would one face the prospect of losing his job. or for those who have lost theirs, when would the next job be available to them. when it's available, would the pay be sufficient to provide comfortably for the entire family.....
the young have their fears. the working persons have theirs. the poor fear whether there would be a next meal. the sick fear dying from lack of money to treat their ailment and not really the sickness inflicted. the aged fear they might die alone without being discovered until the stench of their decaying corpse attracts some attention.
there are much anxieties, apprehension and FEARS. some are real; some unfounded.
2010 is a year of venturing into the unknown and unpredictable. the gov tries to re-assure us that growth could be 3 - 5%. that jobs availablity are increasing. that we must re-skill, upskill and multi-skill. now what if we are only singularly skilled? would one face the fate of redundancy. does being multi-skilled enable one to have an increased pay or better pay or just another pay cut or stagnant pay?
gov is putting many in a very disadvantaged position. all their exuberating sermons hide another unexplained FEAR. it sounded more like "if u don't heed our advices or follow our instructions, you shall get it!" Get it?
to overcome all such FEARS, it really depends on how you tune yourself. if you tune into the paps' channel, obviously the FEARs become very real. if you tune into your own inner channel, then all those FEARS seem irrelevant.
human beings are very versatile creatures. we are neither equipped with fangs or sabre tooth to hunt but we are given a very powerful brain to think. if we do not think too much and get ourselves over-stuffed with FEARS, we should remain happy and positive.
the secret to overcome all FEARS is to remain HAPPY, POSITIVE & SELF-SUFFICIENT. fear tells u that u cannot make it. well, that's FEAR. you tell FEAR, "I can make it cos i m human!"
so live 2010 without FEAR. live it with HOPE, HAPPINESS, POSITIVE ATTITUDE & SELF-SUFFICIENT and RELIANCE.
YOU CAN MAKE IT!!
the real fears are neither about actually paps or the troublemakers. it's more of practical daily living matters. things like getting sick and not having enough money to seek treatment. having children and worry they might not make it through the stressful education system. when would one face the prospect of losing his job. or for those who have lost theirs, when would the next job be available to them. when it's available, would the pay be sufficient to provide comfortably for the entire family.....
the young have their fears. the working persons have theirs. the poor fear whether there would be a next meal. the sick fear dying from lack of money to treat their ailment and not really the sickness inflicted. the aged fear they might die alone without being discovered until the stench of their decaying corpse attracts some attention.
there are much anxieties, apprehension and FEARS. some are real; some unfounded.
2010 is a year of venturing into the unknown and unpredictable. the gov tries to re-assure us that growth could be 3 - 5%. that jobs availablity are increasing. that we must re-skill, upskill and multi-skill. now what if we are only singularly skilled? would one face the fate of redundancy. does being multi-skilled enable one to have an increased pay or better pay or just another pay cut or stagnant pay?
gov is putting many in a very disadvantaged position. all their exuberating sermons hide another unexplained FEAR. it sounded more like "if u don't heed our advices or follow our instructions, you shall get it!" Get it?
to overcome all such FEARS, it really depends on how you tune yourself. if you tune into the paps' channel, obviously the FEARs become very real. if you tune into your own inner channel, then all those FEARS seem irrelevant.
human beings are very versatile creatures. we are neither equipped with fangs or sabre tooth to hunt but we are given a very powerful brain to think. if we do not think too much and get ourselves over-stuffed with FEARS, we should remain happy and positive.
the secret to overcome all FEARS is to remain HAPPY, POSITIVE & SELF-SUFFICIENT. fear tells u that u cannot make it. well, that's FEAR. you tell FEAR, "I can make it cos i m human!"
so live 2010 without FEAR. live it with HOPE, HAPPINESS, POSITIVE ATTITUDE & SELF-SUFFICIENT and RELIANCE.
YOU CAN MAKE IT!!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
the great flood and NOAH's ARK
this clip is very funny. it's satirical and really makes one think.
more zany satires.
God meet modern Singaporean
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabra Heng was hiking with his son, Aye Sack in Bukit Timah on a Sunday when he heard God calls out to him:
God : "Gabra Heng, I am God, listen up"
G.H : "Yes, God, morning, what do you want?"
God : "See the stone in front of you, put your son on the stone and stab him in the heart with the knife I have provided on the ground."
G.H : "Hello, You got something wrong or not, stabbing my son in the heart in Singapore constitutes murder and can get death penalty and get hang you know, especially Singaporean, if i am a foreigner maybe 16 years only."
God : "Alamak, I am your God, listen to me, bring you son there and stab him, why you question so much?"
G.H : "you says in your commandments, you shall not kill, somemore kill my own son, you are really a joker"
God : "Me joker or not, no worries, I make the commandments for the general public, so for you special case, this command is not applicable to you now, you can kill your son"
G.H : "so you can happy happy change your commandments to your wishes, how i know you are not here to sabo or test or tempt me, let me kill him finish, you call the police"
God : "I am your God, here to take care and to love you, not to cause problem for you, just listen and do say I say"
G:H : "you really funny, kept wanting me to kill my kid, and what is it to you? Maybe you are TeeKee in disguise, let me get caught, lost faith in God and end up in hell"
God : "You know my voice, I speak to you in the bible and in your conscious, can't you recognise my voice and do as I tell you? My sheep hears my voice"
G:H : "This is irritating, ok, show me your credentials"
God : "If I show you my credentials, then where is your faith, come on have a little faith"
G:H : "Ok, even if I do it, what is it for me"
God : "What if I make you the founding father of APEC? The biggest and most expensive land in Sentosa Cove will be yours?"
G:H "Listen to yourself, will you do it for such terms?"
God : "I'm almost up here with you, no more negotiations, do it or not? if you don't, you will be strike dead by a durian on your way down the hill"
G:H : "Terms not attractive and now what, you using threats now? Why must I stab my son and listen to you"
God : "My ways are not your ways, and my ways are ALWAYS higher than yours. You need not understand and must have faith when I may sound unreasonable. Just kill your son because I say so"
G:H : "well, looks like you have to drop the durian somewhere somehow, you have not given me enough reasons and confidence to listen to what you say. Have a good day."
commoner
Alfrescian (S) Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: potong pasir
Posts: 1,260
My Reputation:Points: 122 / Power: 25
Re: God meet modern Singaporean
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After meeting Gabra Heng, God went to Geylang and spoke to NoR
God : "Oi, Nor, you free for a chat with God?
Nor : "anytime God"
God : "I have great plans for you, I am giving you a blue plan to build an ark"
Nor : "Ark? Oh, you mean a boat.... ok.... so much wood, you gonna pay for it? Very epensive hor"
God : "You go cut trees from Bukit Timah Hill, ok?"
Nor : "You sure got something wrong. yesterday you want Gabra to kill his son, today you want me to cut trees and commit crimes against singapore? Siao"
God : "Ok, ok,,, no need to cut trees, you just go and take over Star Cruise because I spoke to Genting already."
Nor : "Thats easy, then what I do?"
God : "Then go the zoo, and bring a pair of every animals you see and bring to the cruise"
Nor : "I assume you talk to Singapore Zoo liao, and food for the animals? You talk to NTUC to provide? Good work God. Then what we do"
God : "Stay on the boat, until I let you off"
Nor : "what for? What are you going to do?"
God : "I am going to destroy the whole Singapore except you and your family, including the demi-God LKY and his family"
Nor : "and including TeeKee your "supposedly" servant and admirer?"
God : "Of course, he too, why? He thinks he knows me by writing against the buddhist, communist and what he presumes ungodly. If he just knows what is ungodly, you will be off the boat and he and his family will be save"
Nor : "So what will you do?"
God : "I intended tol rain Singapore for 40 days and 40 nights, and other country media will report that this will happen in every 6,000 years. I will make sure that whole Singapore including all PRs will be dead, and I will bring about a new Singapore starting with your family again"
Nor : "You mean you will destroy the whole Singapore? Why?"
God : "Why must you ask why? Why can't you accept in faith? OK, the whole Singapore in wicked with pros in Geylang, Gay in Chinatown, Casinos and cheats in Sim Lim Squaare and Lucky Plaza, and I cannot find 1 decent guy besides your family, so I will destroy Singapore
Nor : "YOu are a damn joker, cannot find any decent guy in Singapore? Have you visited KK Hospital? Those pregnant women you going to kill? You going to kill the unborn? Thought you are against abortion? they are also many good people, although they do not know you, been doing charity, helping the poor, working their lives for their off-springs and my friends and neighbors"
God : "I don't care. Why you care? The unborn will be just as evil should they grow up you know. Anyway, just do what I say, you are the only family I trust now. The rest of Singapore, they deserve to die because I say so and I cannot find any other decent people"
Nor : "And how am I supposed to rebuild Singapore with my sons and daughters-in-law?"
God : "Well, you be creative, just mate among yourselves and build a nation out of it ok? TeeKee thinks your genes are pure enough to inter-breed and having sex with your daughters, for your case, well for the moment will be acceptable"
Nor : "You are 1 sick dude, God. Please go and do whatever you want and leave me alone."
more zany satires.
God meet modern Singaporean
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabra Heng was hiking with his son, Aye Sack in Bukit Timah on a Sunday when he heard God calls out to him:
God : "Gabra Heng, I am God, listen up"
G.H : "Yes, God, morning, what do you want?"
God : "See the stone in front of you, put your son on the stone and stab him in the heart with the knife I have provided on the ground."
G.H : "Hello, You got something wrong or not, stabbing my son in the heart in Singapore constitutes murder and can get death penalty and get hang you know, especially Singaporean, if i am a foreigner maybe 16 years only."
God : "Alamak, I am your God, listen to me, bring you son there and stab him, why you question so much?"
G.H : "you says in your commandments, you shall not kill, somemore kill my own son, you are really a joker"
God : "Me joker or not, no worries, I make the commandments for the general public, so for you special case, this command is not applicable to you now, you can kill your son"
G.H : "so you can happy happy change your commandments to your wishes, how i know you are not here to sabo or test or tempt me, let me kill him finish, you call the police"
God : "I am your God, here to take care and to love you, not to cause problem for you, just listen and do say I say"
G:H : "you really funny, kept wanting me to kill my kid, and what is it to you? Maybe you are TeeKee in disguise, let me get caught, lost faith in God and end up in hell"
God : "You know my voice, I speak to you in the bible and in your conscious, can't you recognise my voice and do as I tell you? My sheep hears my voice"
G:H : "This is irritating, ok, show me your credentials"
God : "If I show you my credentials, then where is your faith, come on have a little faith"
G:H : "Ok, even if I do it, what is it for me"
God : "What if I make you the founding father of APEC? The biggest and most expensive land in Sentosa Cove will be yours?"
G:H "Listen to yourself, will you do it for such terms?"
God : "I'm almost up here with you, no more negotiations, do it or not? if you don't, you will be strike dead by a durian on your way down the hill"
G:H : "Terms not attractive and now what, you using threats now? Why must I stab my son and listen to you"
God : "My ways are not your ways, and my ways are ALWAYS higher than yours. You need not understand and must have faith when I may sound unreasonable. Just kill your son because I say so"
G:H : "well, looks like you have to drop the durian somewhere somehow, you have not given me enough reasons and confidence to listen to what you say. Have a good day."
commoner
Alfrescian (S) Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: potong pasir
Posts: 1,260
My Reputation:Points: 122 / Power: 25
Re: God meet modern Singaporean
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After meeting Gabra Heng, God went to Geylang and spoke to NoR
God : "Oi, Nor, you free for a chat with God?
Nor : "anytime God"
God : "I have great plans for you, I am giving you a blue plan to build an ark"
Nor : "Ark? Oh, you mean a boat.... ok.... so much wood, you gonna pay for it? Very epensive hor"
God : "You go cut trees from Bukit Timah Hill, ok?"
Nor : "You sure got something wrong. yesterday you want Gabra to kill his son, today you want me to cut trees and commit crimes against singapore? Siao"
God : "Ok, ok,,, no need to cut trees, you just go and take over Star Cruise because I spoke to Genting already."
Nor : "Thats easy, then what I do?"
God : "Then go the zoo, and bring a pair of every animals you see and bring to the cruise"
Nor : "I assume you talk to Singapore Zoo liao, and food for the animals? You talk to NTUC to provide? Good work God. Then what we do"
God : "Stay on the boat, until I let you off"
Nor : "what for? What are you going to do?"
God : "I am going to destroy the whole Singapore except you and your family, including the demi-God LKY and his family"
Nor : "and including TeeKee your "supposedly" servant and admirer?"
God : "Of course, he too, why? He thinks he knows me by writing against the buddhist, communist and what he presumes ungodly. If he just knows what is ungodly, you will be off the boat and he and his family will be save"
Nor : "So what will you do?"
God : "I intended tol rain Singapore for 40 days and 40 nights, and other country media will report that this will happen in every 6,000 years. I will make sure that whole Singapore including all PRs will be dead, and I will bring about a new Singapore starting with your family again"
Nor : "You mean you will destroy the whole Singapore? Why?"
God : "Why must you ask why? Why can't you accept in faith? OK, the whole Singapore in wicked with pros in Geylang, Gay in Chinatown, Casinos and cheats in Sim Lim Squaare and Lucky Plaza, and I cannot find 1 decent guy besides your family, so I will destroy Singapore
Nor : "YOu are a damn joker, cannot find any decent guy in Singapore? Have you visited KK Hospital? Those pregnant women you going to kill? You going to kill the unborn? Thought you are against abortion? they are also many good people, although they do not know you, been doing charity, helping the poor, working their lives for their off-springs and my friends and neighbors"
God : "I don't care. Why you care? The unborn will be just as evil should they grow up you know. Anyway, just do what I say, you are the only family I trust now. The rest of Singapore, they deserve to die because I say so and I cannot find any other decent people"
Nor : "And how am I supposed to rebuild Singapore with my sons and daughters-in-law?"
God : "Well, you be creative, just mate among yourselves and build a nation out of it ok? TeeKee thinks your genes are pure enough to inter-breed and having sex with your daughters, for your case, well for the moment will be acceptable"
Nor : "You are 1 sick dude, God. Please go and do whatever you want and leave me alone."
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